Struggle

I pretend like everything is fine.
It's not. WHY, God, must it be so, so hard?
I can't live without it...everytime I get anywhere close, it walks away.
Is this how You want it to be?
I lay down all I have for you.
Must I lay down what I don't have?
Would it encompass my life---more than YOU??
no, never, nay, all for naught.
(but it would. i admit it. i would dwell on nothing else.)

I am fasting from the stupidest things. But there is good reason, I suppose.
You.
Yahweh.
Father.

Infiltrate me,
that what I want will come naturally and in Your way,
that it might drench me in pure, distilled rain. Rain down.
Thank you, but know (but you already know) that this is hard.
But it would be so hard to do regardless! I am too shy,
Too constrictive,
Too reserved,
Too many walls put up.
I want to tear them down!! But I won't.
This must be why...among so so so many other reasons.
Would it be....
?
Somebody. Anybody. Nobody.

For anyone, anyone, anyone,

Even though I know who.

You know, I don't.
But let's not keep it a secret forever, okay?

Ahhhhhhhh. :) :) :) So this is what it feels like

Hey God,

Take me, break me, I am pierced. (--Audio Adrenaline)